Maybe just. . . be yourself?
You already know that. So why is it so hard?
Headline: As of today, I shall be using Substack as a source of creative expression. . rather than a marketing tool. (Despite all prior advice.)
My writing shall henceforth revert to my usual stream of consciousness bullsh**, plus whatever I happen to be interested in at that moment.
You’ve been warned!
The Pressure to Fit the Mold
As of 2026, the coaching market is thriving. In particular, the ‘coaching for coaches’ one.
We’ve all seen content headings such as:
Give me 5 minutes, and I’ll make you unstoppable!
How to write posts that sound like you’ve broken into your client’s head.
Get 1,000 new followers a day with my magic formula.
I’m not saying that they don’t get results; only that this particular style isn’t for me. It feels like trickery somehow.
I worked with a coach, who I genuinely still like and respect, but overall her methods weren’t a good fit.
Message 100 people a day on LinkedIn if you want to succeed.
Use THIS sales script.
Trail back through anyone who has ever left a comment and DM them.
I followed the template for a while, but it was inauthentic (and honestly made me feel like a bit of a nob.) That’s the problem when one of your core values is authenticity. Anything less than that and you feel icky.
Tanya, if you’re reading this, it’s not you, it’s me. You were very upfront about your methodology, and I was happy to learn from you. I benefited in many ways from our sessions.
The biggest obstacle we came across was her suggestion that we find a specific, ‘big-ticket result’ for clients and promise them that.
Like what? I wondered. “Perform at Coachella?” “Walk into the office and tell your boss to fk off!” “Have no fear in any situation!”
When you’re in the mental health arena, the goals aren’t always so obvious or concrete. I can’t promise that you’ll NEVER feel anxious again, because that would make you a cyborg!
Besides, I’ve seen enough of that shit. Unless it’s quantifiable, such as a specific figure or a promotion, I think it’s unethical to guarantee.
I prefer to let potential clients identify their own goals, ones unique to them. Then we can assess whether my coaching programme and style will be a good fit. Some examples being:
“I want to relax and enjoy my wedding day, rather than worrying that anxiety and panic attacks will ruin it.”
“I want to be more confident at work and speak up in X meeting.”
For the record: I’m fking awesome at what I do.
I specialise in helping people accept who they are at their core and celebrate that (often after decades of feeling ‘broken.’) Authenticity is where the power is, and I love seeing the change in clients over sessions. The genuine happiness and joy.
In general, I attract clients by being myself, rather than promising a result.
Ahhh, Candice. . . I’m hearing that you’re full of shit.
Last year, I did an online masterclass called ‘Worthy as FK’ with a grifter woman called Candice. Very powerful stuff on her Instagram, and I liked her vibe, so I decided to pay the £50 because I trusted her.
Sadly, it wasn’t what I hoped it would be.
The class began with a good fifteen minutes of her congratulating us for “showing up for ourselves,” along with a list of other affirmations. This was the last we really heard from her in any length.
Next came an hour of silent journaling (with maybe five minutes for sharing and feedback amongst twenty-odd people), using basic prompts that we could’ve found ourselves.
Finally, she told us about this inner child meditation that she promised would “reconnect with and reclaim the most powerful, worthy version of you.”
The meditation in question was pre-recorded, and unfortunately, several technological issues arose that took her a while to fix.
As a listener, it’s hard to detach and flow when it starts glitching every few minutes!
No, it didn’t change my life, and yes, I’ve found very similar ones on YouTube for free.
When I raised this with her via email afterwards, she quoted lines from the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg (I think many of us are aware of these tactics).
To paraphrase (VERY loosely): “I’m hearing that you feel frustrated.” = “I’m hearing that you think I should’ve checked the connection, or at least done the meditation live, rather than charging vulnerable women 50 quid to play a recording that you can barely hear, while I piss about in my office!”
Add a nice bit of gaslighting that I couldn’t be arsed with, and that was that.
I chalked it up to a lesson learned and an example of the type of coach I don’t want to be.
Better to be SEEN than be yourself. . . right?
Attention has become the greatest currency. What do Instagram and TikTok say: ‘you have 3 seconds to grab their attention’—well, then, that’s me fked! It takes me a good 5 to gather my thoughts.
Maybe if I shouted TITS! Now that I have your attention, let’s talk about ANXIETY! (Actually, that’s not a bad shout…)
My hat is off to the many talented creatives on socials who can capture attention and entertain. It’s definitely a skill that I recognise and hope to never feel bitter about.
TITS. (Sorry. Just trying to keep you reading.)
But jokes aside, the pressure to constantly perform for an algorithm is exhausting for many. It also encourages people to be inauthentic, rather than risk ‘low views.’
DANCE MONKEY DANCE!
I’ve gotten into trouble (of the mental variety) over the years because I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t. In fact, my first book, We’re All Mad Here, details the breakdown that followed as a result! So it’s something I try to avoid, although I’m not perfect.
The next step (for me) is to start creating in my preferred method (and the one that started my career): long-form essays and blog posts.
So, if you’re still here... cheers. I hope to connect with you again and again, because that’s my favourite thing. :)
Yes! I love YOU just as you are. This was a great read. TITS and all. I look forward to more authentic Claire in my inbox.